Purely Platonic
by SiRiUsLyInLuV71
Summary: AU. The first time he snuck into the other boy’s bed was innocent. Purely innocent. It was nothing, but two best friends seeking solace and reassurance in each other. The second time he snuck into Sirius’ bed, it was different, more awkward than the first


Title: Purely Platonic

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and don't plan on owning anything.

Summary: AU. The first time he snuck into the other boy's bed was innocent. Purely innocent. It was nothing, but two best friends seeking solace and reassurance in each other. The second time he snuck into Sirius' bed, it was different, more awkward than the first encounter. _Slash._

Characters: Sirius, James, Remus, and Lily

_**Purely Platonic**_

The first time he snuck into the other boy's bed was innocent. Purely innocent. It was nothing, but two best friends seeking solace and reassurance in each other. The second time he snuck into Sirius' bed, it was different, more awkward than the first encounter. James became more aware of his surroundings, became more aware of the larger boy sleeping soundly next to him, his arm draped tightly around James' waist.

Sirius was his best friend, nothing more; it was purely platonic for him to hold him. It was purely platonic that James began to notice the little things about Sirius he never noticed before. Like the way his grey eyes feel as if it could see through your soul, or the transparency of his skin and eyes that make him seem beautifully ghost-like, or the fact that his hair scatters themselves gracefully across his face completing his dark look. No, those were nothing but purely platonic thoughts. So why does it hurt James when he sees his purely platonic best friend cooped up with Remus. Why does his traitorous heart beat loudly when he watches Sirius kiss the smaller boy? Why does his eyes turn green with envy every time he sees the smiling couple together?

He doesn't know. James has no answer for himself. But he does know that every time he sees Sirius with Remus, he wants to switch places with Remus. Wish that it was Sirius kissing him instead of Remus, wishing it was Sirius hugging him instead of Remus. But one thing that always settled and relaxed his mind was the fact that he had Sirius at night.

It was James that shared his bed at night. It was James that Sirius held tightly around the waist. It wasn't Remus. Some part of him figured out that he was in love with his best friend, but another part fought, denying his heart that only beat for his best friend. The other part told him that he belonged with his girlfriend Lily. But never had he felt so content with her, he never felt as comfortable with Lily as he felt with Sirius. Sirius was just Sirius, and Lily couldn't be him.

Lily couldn't make James' heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Lily's smile didn't make James' stomach drop. Nothing Lily did made him feel the way Sirius made him feel. It was just one of those things you can't fight, one of those things you don't want, one of those things you can't escape.

The day ended, and James was in the common room with Lily, who was busy ignoring him. James wanted to reach out to her and talk to her like he did with Sirius, but his every attempt at conversation was shut down by Lily, who was keen to finish her homework.

This isn't what he wanted, this wasn't what he expected. He figured that life with Lily would be wonderful, but he was wrong. It was nothing, but a dull ache to make him realize how much he preferred Sirius' company instead.

Right as he thought it the portrait hole opened, and in walked in the very angry form of Sirius, his knuckles drenched with blood.

Sirius didn't look at him, but he was aware of James' presence. His jaw was slightly twitched as he spotted Lily sitting closely by James. Without a word to either of them,

Sirius marched toward the boy's dormitories and slammed the door behind him as he went.

James could almost feel the common room shake as he watched Sirius slam the door. This was probably the second time James' had ever seen Sirius this angry. Like a true friend James meant to get up, but Lily held his wrist.

"What?" he asked shaking hand off his wrist.

Lily said nothing but smiled a sad smile. "Sit down," she spoke softly.

James hesitated but for a minute his interest was peaked. He had never heard Lily take such a soft tone with him before. James sat back down next to her.

Her eyes were closed for a while until she opened them again. "You love him." she declared, her eyes darting towards the boy's dorms.

James felt his eyes widen at her assumption, and just as he was about to protest, Lily holds her hand up to cut him off. "I see the way you look at him. It's the same way Sev used to look at me. The inexpressible love." Lily paused for a while, her emerald eyes watering, than softly continuing "Tell him before it's too late, tell him before you lose your chance. Don't be like me." she added bitterly, a tear leaving her tear soaked emerald eyes.

James continued to gaze into her emerald eyes, and for the first time ever, James saw true emotions hidden behind her emerald eyes.

"Then why didn't you tell him?" asked James, surprising himself with his concern.

Lily sighed and shook her head slowly, trying to block out all the tears that were wishing to escape.

"Why?" James pressed on.

"He doesn't love me anymore. He loves someone else." said Lily, tears falling freely from her emerald orbs.

James said nothing, just put his arms around Lily while she cried.

His mind kept darting back towards Sirius, and how angry he was. Hesitantly he pulled away from Lily.

"So this is it, then?" asked James, smiling awkwardly.

Lily gave him a sad smile and nodded.

James' eyes darted towards the boys dormitories, then a frightened thought caught his mind.

"He loves Remus." James said, his voice breaking a bit.

"Sirius likes Remus, doesn't love him." replied Lily, looking straight into James eyes.

"They are together. I can't just barge into the boys' dorm and tell my best friend that I am love with him!" said James, his voice becoming a bit hysterical.

"And why not?" asked Lily, her green eyes hardening.

"Because he is with my other best friend!" yelled James.

Lily looked like she was about to open her mouth and say something, but she quickly closed it, a blush creeping in her cheeks. "Look, just go up to the dorm and talk to Sirius." James looked like he was about to protest, but Lily cut him off again. "Just trust me James!" pressed Lily.

Sighing James turned away from her and walked to the boys' dorm, dreading what was lying ahead.

* * *

James expected to find Sirius either destroying something, or laying quietly in his four poster bed. James was relived to find that Sirius was laying silently in his four poster, his bleeding knuckles hanging loosely off the side of his four poster. 

Trying to be as noiseless as possible James crept near Sirius' bed, and sat quietly at the edge, taking his bleeding knuckles into his hand. Happy to see that Sirius didn't shove him off when he touched him, James began to slowly heal the wounds on Sirius' knuckles. After the cuts were healed from his knuckles, James continued to hold on to Sirius' hand, and Sirius continued to ignore James' presence. Finding that he couldn't hold the silence any longer, James finally broke the silence.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

No answer. Sirius' pretended like he didn't hear him, and proceeded to try and ring his hand out of James' grasp, but James held his hand firmly.

"What happened?" James asked again, his voice unsteadily firm.

Sirius caught James' eye, but looked away again.

"Nothing." mumbled Sirius, his eyes fixed on the bright red hangings on the windows.

James held his hand tighter. "If it's nothing, then why did you storm into Gryffindor tower with bloody knuckles? What happened Padfoot? Tell me. I am your best friend mate." said James, tracing circles around the back of Sirius' hand.

"Another friend eh?" sneered Sirius, heavy distaste edged in his voice.

James raised his eyebrows. Why was Sirius acting like this? And what did 'Another friend' mean? "Er…. Another friend?" asked James meekly.

Sirius glared at James, a sneer curved in his upper lip. "Just like Remus." muttered Sirius, grinding his pearly white teeth together, so that they made a tiny clanking noise.

James was beyond confused now, but he did catch on the fact that it had something to do with Remus.

"What happened with Remus?" asked James, almost squinting because he was afraid that Sirius might start yelling.

But Sirius didn't, instead he just closed his eyes and took in a heavy breath. "He broke up with me." murmured Sirius, his eyes still closed, his chest rising and falling gently.

James almost didn't hear what Sirius said because he was so unraveled with the sight before him. Sirius just looked so relaxed, it was hard to focus on anything else, but James heard what he said. And for a tiny brief moment he felt ecstatic, but then the happiness evaporated when he remembered that Sirius was here mourning over the loss of his boyfriend. James felt a prang in his chest as he looked at Sirius, he didn't want to see him like this. He wished that all the sadness and pain that Sirius was feeling was passed on to him, James wanted to take in everything, just so Sirius could be happy. He sighed as he continued to stare at his best friend, and the love of his life, just knowing that Sirius will never be his.

After what seemed like a long moment, James finally asked "Why did he break up with you?"

Sirius closed his eyes tighter, wishing he didn't have to answer, but he knew James wouldn't let him off the hook without an answer. Choosing his words correctly Sirius said "He thought I was in love with someone else."

This time it was James who closed his eyes, not because he wanted to relax, because he was holding back tears that were dying to spill. _'Sirius loved someone else'_. James felt as if his heart stopped beating. He was fighting with himself, determined to keep himself for collapsing in front of Sirius. James gulped a large quantity of fresh air, to settle and relax his insides from bursting.

"And who is it that he thinks you're in love with?" asked James, an edgy tone in his voice that he couldn't keep out.

For the first time since their conversation began, Sirius opened his eyes, and looked James directly in the eye. "You." he whispered without taking his eyes off of James.

For probably the second time that day James could have sworn he felt his heart stop. He felt the air in his lungs literally leaving him, and his face was drained off the last bit of color it had. The only thing that broke him from his elating moment was the sound of Sirius' voice.

"Look, I know you love Evans. I know there will never be anything between us. But I couldn't help myself. I ended up falling in love with you. I know how messed up this all sounds, and I am very sorry for telling you this. It's just that I denied this for so long, not only around other people, but to myself. But I couldn't hide it from Remus, he figured it out. Remus telling me that I was in love with you made it so much more real, it was like finally admitting it to myself." Sirius paused, taking in a deep breath before continuing, "I can understand if you don't want to be friends anymore mate, but I just couldn't keep it in. Even if I didn't tell you now, I would've done so eventually. So there, now do your worse James." finished Sirius, looking anywhere but at the smaller boy in front of him.

It was surely a joke. Surely Sirius didn't just say that he loved James. _'But he did' _a voice whispered in the back of James' head, _'He said that he loved you'_, spoke the voice again. It seemed surreal to James, it couldn't be. He didn't know whether to jump up and down screaming, or just sit there and continue to assure himself that he misheard. But he did neither, instead James did the thing he least expected himself to do, and pressed his own lips against Sirius.

It seemed as if the world stopped. James was sure he felt fireworks, just the touch of Sirius' cool lips took him to ecstasy. It wasn't long before James felt Sirius' large hands wrap around his waist, his cool tongue inserting James' mouth. Before they knew it, they were locked in a very close embrace, kissing passionately and furiously, not caring that their lungs lacked oxygen.

It seemed like hours before the two actually broke apart, both boys panting heavily. Sirius wore a satisfied grin, whereas James' cheeks were violently red. They caught each others eyes and smiled.

"So I am guessing this changes everything." said Sirius, his grin widening.

James said nothing, but pressed a soft kiss against Sirius mouth, and sliding next to him in his bed, with his eyes slowly closing. James felt Sirius' arms slowly wrap around his waist, holding him protectively and possessively. James smiled again, as he slowly drifted off to sleep next to the boy he loved; no longer assuring himself that what he felt for Sirius was Purely Platonic.

* * *

_A/N: Another Sirius/James. I swear I am in love with this ship! Not as much as Sirius/Hermione, but it is second close. I think I might just start doing a novel length fic with Sirius/James, as the main pairing. It probably might be a Post DH, I can have fun with bringing them both back or something. I dunno. Or it may be a continuation of "Why I Married Lily", which is my other Sirius/James fic. And please tell me what you think, even if it's bad. _


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